Birdbrain Stuff

Monday, April 25, 2016

Contact Point Query

Dear Mr Birdbrain. Do you think we should vote to leave Europe in June because they have more birds than the UK?

Eve Ryonesawinnerbabe dizzyblonde@mcp.com


Thanks for your very interesting query Eve which requires a lot of thought. I shall endeavor to give a measured response within a couple of days. Meanwhile I'll continue to rage over that nice Mr Obama's opinion on this subject.

I am now in a position to present my thoughts based on my own experience and the invaluable references provided by messers Algernon, Montmorency & Marmaduke Snert. Furthermore I would like to thank the dowager Clarissa Eloise for access to the now fully digitised library in the family home.

Since the 1960s the UK lost two iconic species that could be seen both on migration and as scarce but well recorded breeders. These were Wryneck & Red backed Shrike. Down the years Wood Warbler has  been reduced significantly, less so Pied Flycatcher & Redstart. There are others but I'm sure you catch my drift.

After returning from a business deal in France to secure a years supply of absinthe (250 x 2 litre bottles) in 2014 Marmaduke Snert told me this story.
He took a short trip in the Camargue to research Collared Pratincole & Short toed Lark. There he met the infamous French ornithological miscreant Captain Jaques Pierre Merdemanger. Snert was horrified at what he discovered. Holding camps of scores of Roller, Savis Warbler, Red Footed Falcon. Hundreds of Bee Eater one ringed as a Co. Durham breeder) Wood Warbler & Pied Flycatcher.  
In a nearby inn he got a 92 year old camargue cowboy drunk and was told that this man had actually helped Merdemanger's father to start diverting the RBS & Wryneck from reaching our blessed shores all those years ago.

As you have now deduced, I'm certain, the whole purpose of this sordid trafficking of innocent migrants was to not only move the unfortunates on to countries where birders would pay premiums to have them but to cock a snook at the "feelthy pie-eating British scum".

On 23 June I encourage all birders to say NO to the EU. Further more I intend to pursue that swine Merdemanger to the ends of the earth and bring him back to dear old Blighty. Once here I shall incarcerate him in a room in the nearby aptly named Gaol Lane where he will face a diet of fried sausages, cornish pasties & mushy peas. In the background he shall continually hear Cliff Richard singing Congratulations & those unmentionables who do The Birdy Song.

Europe WE WANT OUR BIRDS BACK!